Pilates no longer help with my rage

One stick per week, a rule I’ve set three days ago.

One stick for seven days.

Just one.

I’m halfway a pack today as I left his apartment. I lied to myself that he’s just shy —he knows what he’s doing and he’s a bad friend.

Tick, ash falls on the ground.

I remember the reason I left my ex-boyfriend, I no longer want to tell someone what basic human decency is. I no longer want to explain what empathy is, you’re born with it or not.

suck the air deep, let it warm my throat and my lungs.

How do I explain to someone that boy-girl friendship works without commitment or big romantic expectations? You just need to be decent enough to care.

let out the smoke.

Recently, I’ve been doing pilates daily. I contract my muscles that gets spasms by minute twenty. I breathe —in to my nose, exhale through my mouth, sigh it if it's a heavy day.

but all these bullshit no longer help, mind you I ran really fast tonight despite breaking my smoking sobriety. Maybe I really am my father's daughter.

I want to smash his face.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

—breathe in through your nose, exhale through your mouth, sigh it out, then let’s proceed to table top position.

breathe.